


After Thoughts

by AlyBur



Category: Meta Runner (Web Series)
Genre: Lucinia's not having a good day, Negative Thoughts, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyBur/pseuds/AlyBur
Summary: Words can actually hurt, Lucinia would know.This takes place during the time of the flashback in Soft Lock.What are actual summaries-?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	After Thoughts

“Hey, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”  
Those words echoed through her head as she stood at the center of Belle’s room. They played over and over again as clearly as when they had first parted from Masa’s lips. She continued to stand idly, swaying ever-so-slightly as she continued to hold to her left arm and let her gaze slowly drop to the floor.  
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”  
“...You always say he never means it like that…” Lucinia whispered. She let out a small sigh before walking back over to the gaming chair she was once seated at. Another sigh escaped her lips as she sat back upon the cushioned seat, leaning it back a bit.  
The pause menu for UJM still shown dimly as Lucinia remained where she was. She glanced up at the monitor for a few moments, then down to the game controller that was placed at the desk. She stared at the grey object for a bit, before turning herself away, no longer feeling in the mood to resume her search for any more speedrunning glitches.  
“...never means it like that..”  
Lucinia let her eyes fall shut as she leaned further back in the chair. How could Lucks have NOT meant it the way he had said it on the call earlier? He very clearly stated that he ‘didn’t need her’ with a dismissive tone. She didn’t understand how there could be any other meaning to those words. And she didn’t understand why Masa would try to excuse what Lucks had said like that.  
Lucinia could feel a mixture of sadness and annoyance begin to claw at her as she let herself further linger on these questions. She let out a frustrated sigh; she hated this. She hated this ugly feeling that was trying to take over. She hated that Masa had bothered trying to dismiss Lucks' little comment. She hated that Lucks couldn’t have somehow found another way to say ‘no’. She hated that she let something as little as words upset her. She let words, no less, pierce her and cause her emotions to stir. Words that reached her core and allowed for the feelings of not-belonging, not-needed, and unloved invade her mind. She hated that she let herself be hurt by those words. She hated that she couldn’t be stronger. She hated that she didn’t have the pride and confidence as everyone else, the kind that allowed for others to brush off as pointless as words and continue on with their lives. She hated that she couldn’t be nearly as useful and skilled as her fellow meta runners. She hated that she couldn’t be more like Masa and Belle, where they were proud, talented, and were needed.  
She hated herself.  
She sat more forward as she began to let her thoughts take over. Why couldn’t she be more like everyone else? Why did she have to be so shy? So introverted? Why couldn’t she have more pride and love for herself the way others like Belle did? Why couldn’t she speak up against Lucks like how Masa could? Why did she let herself suck up whatever comment Lucks spat in her direction? Why did she let herself get run into the ground the way she did? Why couldn’t she be different?  
Why couldn’t she just be...better?  
She slowly opened her eyes. She sat up straight and exhaled deeply. Why did she let her mind drag herself down like this? She hated that she, once again, let her negative thoughts purge her mind the way they did.  
Letting out another deep breath, she stood up, walked out of Belle’s room, and made her way to her room which stood directly across.  
Lucinia heard the automatic door shut behind her as she slowly made her way to her bed, almost practically throwing herself upon it. She turned to her side as she pulled the covers over herself. She stared at the walls for a few moments, before letting out a quiet sigh.  
“Maybe,” Lucinia thought, “maybe I’m just being selfish… Maybe I’m just overreacting and that I’m making this all up. Maybe I’m just..making it personal...Tomorrow...tomorrow it’ll be better.”  
She closed her eyes, letting herself slowly succumb to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short work I did, thanks for swinging by and checking it out though!


End file.
